Are You Experienced?
©2025, George J. Irwin. All rights reserved.

Here at Monolith Industries, we are all committed to ensure that you have the best of possible Customer Experiences. Every one of our associates is also a Successful Experience Expert. At Monolith, you can be assured that every step of the way is a Five Star Experience, worthy of your praise and great reviews.

It’s like this...

I was looking to make myself something to eat, and when I went into the refrigerator, I realized that I was out of milk. So I wasn’t going to have a good Dining Experience if I didn’t get myself some.

And straight away, things didn’t go well. My Getting Out of the Driveway Experience was much slower than I wanted because there were too many cars heading down the street. And one driver decided he wanted his Share My Music With Everyone Experience, which really interfered with my Peace and Quiet Experience.

I got to the grocery store, and my Parking Experience was not good since there were way too many cars whose drivers decided that a Fit Between The Painted Lines Experience wasn’t for them. So I had a Long Walk to the Entrance Experience, which was interrupted by someone’s I Am Entitled To Race Through All The Crosswalks At High Speed Experience and I would have had a Trip to the Hospital Experience if I wasn’t paying attention.

As with most supermarkets, the Dairy Section was in the back, so I had an additional Getting Steps Experience. But when I got to the refrigerated case, inexplicably there was no one percent or two percent milk available. My choices were either no fat milk or high fat milk, neither of which results in my having a satisfactory Milk Drinking Experience. My Search For A Store Employee Experience was extended, as they appeared to duck into the Associates Only doors. Perhaps they were enjoying a Run Away From The Shoppers Experience, which would not have been a Music To The Ears Experience to management.

Fortunately, I was able to run down an employee from the Produce Section, which probably caused him to have an Above My Pay Grade Experience as he tried to flag down someone who could actually do something. It turned out that the store was having a Short Staffed Experience and while there was plenty of one and two percent milk available, it hadn’t been put out yet. That was remedied and I was able to complete my Buying Milk Experience.

For some reason, my debit card was declined, so I did not have a Pleasant Checkout Experience at all. This was quickly followed by a Receiving A Text From The Debit Card Issuer Experience, which informed me that my card had been locked but I should be sure to contact one of their Customer Experience Representatives as soon as possible.

My Drive Home Experience was made interesting by at least three motorists who were enjoying a Red Lights Don’t Apply To Me Experience and another two who were having a Speed Limits And Safe Lane Changes Are For Losers Experience. I did make it home and my Pull Back Into The Garage Experience was okay, and my Unload Groceries Experience was short since I only had that gallon of milk.

I had no sooner gotten in the door than I had another Receiving A Text From The Debit Card Issuer Experience, reminding me that I should contact one of their Customer Experience Representatives as soon as possible. But by this time I was starving so I opted for the Wolf Down Dinner Experience first, during which I had yet another Receiving A Text From The Debit Card Issuer Experience. Well, at least they were confirming a problem, which was far better than the Drained Checking Account Experience.

After I ate I moved along to the Contact The Debit Card Issuer Experience, which included the Thread Through The Prompt Tree Experience, the Repeatedly Ask For A Real Person Experience, the Your Call Is Very Important To Us Experience and the Enter All My Information And Then Give It All Again To The Live Person Experience. It turned out that someone was attempting to use my information to have a Fine Dining Experience during their Travel In A Foreign Country Experience, which is why I was treated to a Debit Card Blocked Experience. That card was cancelled and thus began my Wait To Get The New Debit Card In Seven To Ten Business Days Experience.

All through this, I don’t think this whole talk of experiences is what Jimi Hendrix meant. (Look it up, kids.)

I think I’m ready for my Nervous Breakdown Experience...

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