No Law, No Order
©2025, George J. Irwin. All rights reserved.

Clunk-clunk!

Or is it, dunk-dunk?

Or maybe, clang clang?

It's not exactly any of these sounds, but to anyone who has been near a television in the last three decades, it is familiar and unmistakable: a signature of the Law and Order franchise. The sounder plays during scene changes in the various episodes of the several series--often with title cards showing New York City addresses that don't actually exist, but no matter. It's supposed to simulate the sound of a jail cell locking, although since I have personally not been locked in a jail cell, I can't confirm this, nor do I have any particular desire to do so.

I won't pretend that I've viewed every one of almost fourteen hundred episodes (at this writing) that comprise the multi-series franchise, but it wouldn't surprise me to know that others have. It's been an incredibly popular set of shows. My interest flagged more than a little when Jerry Orbach, the wisecracking detective Lenny Briscoe on the "Law" side, left the original Law and Order series in 2004, and I watched only occasionally after that for a while, and then not at all. There were such a large number of series within this franchise that at least one writer (not me) joked that eventually they were going to have to get to Law and Order: Parking Violations Bureau. (Although the L&O pilot, titled "Everybody's Favorite Bagman," had more than a little of its plot tied to that exact department.)

All well and good, but I have a real beef with this franchise.

I've never been on it.

For shame, creator Dick Wolf.

Pretty much anyone who's been or is anyone in the creative community who's been in any way connected with New York City has had at least a walk-on role on at least one of these fourteen hundred plus episodes. Many, called "Repeat Offenders," have had more than one turn, often as entirely different characters. And yet, you've never gotten around to me? What's the problem here?

We have recently started watching early episodes on a streaming service, and by early I mean that the New York Street Signs are still black on yellow in the scenes. Among the dozen-plus actors who played small roles and were credited at the end of Season 1, Episode 1 (and at a size and refresh rate at which you could actually read said credits) was one Rocky Carroll, who NCIS fans know went on to play the part of Director Leon Vance. Now I know what to talk to him about if I ever meet him: "Wow, you were on the first episode of Law and Order that ever aired! What was that like?"

Since I'll never find out personally.

And why not?

I'm not greedy. I don't even have to have a line. Just put me in the scene somewhere, like on the jury—certainly by now, every single resident of Manhattan has been on a jury on the show by now, right, so how about someone else for a change? Or maybe I can be one of those gawkers who shows up at a crime scene and gets shushed back by the uniformed police officer who is probably also just getting a minor credit for his few seconds on camera. Perhaps I could be one of the pedestrians that gets pushed out of the way by either the suspect trying to Evade The Law or by one of the detectives who complains that They Always Run. That would be sufficient for a few frames of screen time, right? Not looking for residuals here... just what's apparently called Background.

Now, I do have some standards. Our high school Drama teacher once wowed the class by disclosing that he had been in a motion picture, the name of which is lost to time at this point. Well, he wowed the class until he told us he played a corpse and the only thing you saw was his tagged toe. I don't think I would be a good toe tag holder.

I know, I know, even if I want to be a toe tag holder, I would have to be in Actor's Equity... no, wait, that's for live performances, so I mean SAG-AFTRA, and you can't get into that without having an offer to work in a series or film, so it's kind of a Catch-22 there. I knew I should have taken this up with past president Gabrielle Carteris when I met her and got her autograph at a convention. She played my favorite Beverly Hills 90210 character, namely, the smart one, Andrea Zuckerman. Yes, there were smart characters on 90210. But I digress.

I am not alone in this interest. Online, I saw multiple threads in multiple venues with information on How You Might Be Able To Do This. And also, Don't Bother, Too Many Other People Want To Do This Too.

I suppose it's also not fair to want this when there are so many other actual aspiring and established actors who also want this. Or wanted this and never got it. My first girlfriend, for example, was looking seriously at a career, though in the theatre (Equity) more than in television (now SAG-AFTRA). I suppose it's possible that she had a walk-on, since she knew people, but since I've not watched every episode, I'll never know.

And turning the tables, there is somewhat of an analogy with the concept of someone who's never done any writing work asking me to just insert one of their pieces onto this website. It's only somewhat of an analogy because a spot on L&O would be seen by millions over time, while a slot here would be seen by tens of readers. Maybe.

And besides... there's a problem with my problem with Law and Order anyway.

The first episode of the original series aired in 1990, which was the year after I moved away from the New York Area.

But still, you couldn't have at least picked up the phone and called me?

Dunk-dunk!

...