©2017, George J. Irwin. All rights reserved.

I realized as I was searching through digital images for ones to post online that most of what I selected had at least some water in it. That makes sense, since I'm a Water Bearer, or an Aquarius, astrologically speaking.

Actually, I'm what's called a Double Aquarius, since I was born around sunrise, which makes my Ascendant or Rising Sign Aquarius also. With a Double Aquarius, what you see is what you get.

And what you get is pretty darn good. Not just in my estimation but from the perspective of a friend of the family who was an astrologer. She did my chart—the hard way, with books, paper and pencil—when I was born. She didn't interpret it for me until I was a late teen. She said that she could say that it was a genius chart, because I wouldn't believe her. And she was right, I didn't.

But perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to say that, you know? Aquarians are great! We're the greatest sign ever. Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Mozart. Galileo. Clark Gable.

Charles Darwin.

Yeah, Darwin, who wrote about Survival of the Fittest. And Aquarians, well, there's no doubt that we're the fittest. We ought to be ruling the world without question. We're intelligent, kind, insightful, inventive, altruistic. Versus those other eleven signs, there's no doubt we're superior. I mean, really.

Aries? Too impulsive, don't think before they act. You don't want their fingers on the nuclear buttons.

Taurus is all about financial gain and wealth accumulation. You are how much you make.

Gemini, the twins. As in, split personality. Not exactly two for the price of one. Wouldn't want them for anything important.

Cancer... likely to hide out and cook when they face a crisis instead of facing it head on. Great for housekeeping, not such much for ruling the human race.

Leos are so busy being petulant and throwing childish tantrums that they don't care about the the consequence. It's all about me, me, me.

Virgo? The ultimate fussbudgets. Everything has to be just so. The world is ambiguous. They can't handle that.

Libras are so wishy-washy that not only can they not make a decision, they'll argue with you about your making a decision.

Scorpios aren't called scorpions because they're nice. They will sting you every chance they get. Trust factor of zero.

Sagittarius: Open mouth, insert foot. Maybe both of them.

Capricorns just like to keep score. About everything.

And as for Pisces, they make Libras look decisive.

So, yeah, maybe Aquarians are really superior to all of these other signs. In fact, maybe what needs to happen is that we just automatically give ourselves the best positions in life, all the privileges—first in line for college, fast track on career development, right of first refusal for mating (although obviously we would only want other Aquarians, as long as their charts aren't too contaminated).

In fact, let's take this to its natural progression. Let's relegate all of those unfortunate non-Aquarian signs to less desirable neighborhoods, suboptimal employment, poor education choices, and all in all a lower class of living. And shout them down if they try any kind of protest, in person or online. Don't get me wrong, it's not my fault that they were born under an inferior sign. It doesn't mean we have to shun them completely. Some of my best friends are Capricorns...

Holy Zodiac! What happened to George, you might be thinking. Is he off his meds or something? Does he need to be on meds?

No, I'm just making a point. Of course I don't believe this. My sign is far from superior to the others... Aquarians, besides being quite stubborn, and over-committed to the impossibly Utopian (note: Sir Thomas More was also an Aquarius!), are notably absent-minded and sometimes downright scatterbrained. We might be able to tell you exactly how the nuclear codes were developed and not remember where they are. Yeah, no.

And if you think all of this is absurd, arbitrary and unreasonable... which I hope you do...

...well, how is this different than any other way we try to classify and look down upon other people?

By the way, the astrologer was right about me not believing I have a “genius chart.” If you want to see how smart I am, put me under the hood of a car...